Her husband's gay and there's a new twist

DEAR AMY: After being married for about 15 years, my husband recently came out to me as gay. I know he loves me, and I love him. We are communicating and being honest about how we're feeling. We are in couples counseling together and are trying our hardest to work this through and figure out what is the best path for our family. We have young children. Through our talks, I realized his best friend is also gay. (He is also married with children.) It has become obvious to me that they are attracted to each other, although his wife doesn't know about any of it. I don't believe the two men have been unfaithful, and they are using each other as support through this self-discovery time. Should I say anything to this other woman about her husband being gay? I feel like my husband's friend is not being honest with his wife, and she deserves to know the truth. I'm not sure it's my place to say anything, but I don't think he will ever tell her. This other woman and I are merely

acquaintances, and I hold no ill feelings toward her, but I'm not sure what to do.

Secret Holder

DEAR SECRET HOLDER: It sounds as if you haven't really discussed this aspect of your husband's story with him -- but you have had a dawning realization that the two men are emotionally involved.

You and your husband should start by discussing this openly with your counselor. If the emotional connection between the two men deepens and/or becomes a physical one, what happens to your marriage?

I don't think it's necessary to share your theory about this man's sexuality with his wife (so far, it's only a theory) but you might split the difference by telling her your story: "My husband has come out to me. He is gay. I know our husbands have grown very close, so I thought I would let you know a little of the backstory."