Her only flaw is not seeing husband's abusiveness

DEAR AMY: I am the mother of a happy and healthy 1-year-old bundle of joy. My husband is a very successful businessman. After the baby goes to sleep, I work as a lawyer to support all of our daily expenses: insurance, food, everything for the baby, etc. We live below our means, have never had a scintilla of debt, and my husband owns our family home. I am blessed to be a stay-at-home mom and a career woman and feel like I do a very good job with both. However, I am not doing a good job as a wife. No matter what I do, my husband can see no good in me. I do all the shopping, cooking, cleaning and child-minding and have always been upbeat about it. I hired a nanny for a few hours a week so I could get out to the hairdresser and gym and stay well groomed and in excellent shape. However, he insists on calling me fat, stupid and lazy and complains incessantly about the tiniest things.

What am I doing wrong? What can I do differently?At a Loss

DEAR LOSS: You are worried about your deficits as a wife, but I am worried about your husband's deficits as a husband and as a person.

The only thing you need to do differently is to face the fact that your husband is abusive. Rather than continuing to turn yourself inside out trying to figure out how to do everything to perfection and please your husband, you should start to focus on what you are going to do if your husband's behavior doesn't change considerably.

This treatment will continue to wear you down. Without a doubt, it will affect your child. No child should witness this treatment.

Advocate for yourself and your child, and ask yourself some very tough questions about your marriage. A counselor will help you sort this out. You and your husband should go together, but if he won't participate, go on your own.