His family's visit is a messy one

DEAR AMY: My brother and his teenage children come to visit for the holidays and stay for three to five days. They are educated and generally thoughtful, but they forget their manners when they enter our house. They make their own breakfast but leave pots and dishes in the sink. I cannot just leave the stuff in the sink. They leave lights on In every room. They sometimes pile up their dirty laundry for the "maid." This last time it took us hours to vacuum, do the laundry and tidy up. I've surveyed others, and responses range from "suck it up, he is your brother" to having me suggest a hotel and offer to pay. I do not like either response. Bothered Brother

DEAR BROTHER: I ponder your letter while still recovering from the Thanksgiving holiday, when my brother and sister-in-law brought their seven children to stay at my house. That's right -- seven.

After they left, I realized that I miss this family of nine -- not only for their company but because they left the house cleaner than they found it. They know that when you stay in someone else's house, the primary goal is to behave in a way that guarantees you'll be asked back.

A good guest behaves better than he does at home. He's more helpful, more energy-

efficient and more cheerful in the morning.

You don't have to stew in your juice or offer to pay for a hotel. Simply ask your family members to do very reasonable things.

You say to the teenage kids, "Hey guys -- do me a favor and load those breakfast dishes into the dishwasher each morning." You remind them to turn off the lights when they leave the room. You show your brother how to use the washing machine and suggest he throw in a load whenever he needs to.

Your family members may never run themselves as efficiently as you'd like, but they may get close, and in families close should be good enough.