How best to help drug-addicted stepson

DEAR AMY: I've been married to my wonderful husband for more than 10 years. We both have children and grandchildren from previous marriages. In August, my husband's adult son once again moved in with us. He has had a history of drug addiction and theft, and his mother enabled him until she passed away. A couple of years ago, we took him in when he was homeless. He stayed for a year, going to work with my husband. When he moved out, he began to skip work, got laid off and went into a downward spiral, which resulted in incarceration. My husband bailed him out and, once again, took him in. He has stolen from us and we have to lock up our wallets. We can't leave him alone in the house for any length of time. My husband and I saw a therapist who agreed that it would be best for my stepson to relocate to an area where he would have access to transportation and be less reliant on us. My husband accepted the plan, but he has changed his mind. It's difficult for him to be caught between his son and me. I don't want to force my husband to make a choice he might not be comfortable with. He says he needs to "give it time," but how much?

--Depressed

DEAR DEPRESSED: If your stepson is using drugs, no amount of TLC at home is going to bring him around. A halfway house where he has access to social services, such as job training and professional rehab counselors, would be a healthier environment. Your husband's behavior may be delaying his chance at recovery.

Your family has a triangle going, where only two points align at any one time. Force the triangle into a circle.

The whole family (you included) should be involved in every decision concerning this family member. An experienced addiction counselor can help the three of you. You need an action plan and he needs to be presented with concrete choices and real consequences.