How can new dad stop meddling mom-in-law?

DEAR AMY: My wife and I had a baby a week ago. This is the best time of my life, but my mother-in-law is interfering so much I don't know what to do. When my wife was pregnant, her mother insisted on attending doctor's visits and parenting classes with us. When our son was born, the hospital allowed both of us to be in the room while my wife was having a C-section. I frequently left the room to give my wife and her mom privacy, and then when I would return they would blame me for things I didn't do. Once we brought the baby home, my mother-in-law took a week off from work and talked my wife into making me sleep on the couch while she slept in the bed with my wife and son. She instigates fights and arguments between us, and my wife always takes her side. I am thrilled to be a new dad, and I am doing my best to be there for my wife and baby. I can't seem to be a father while my mother-in-law is present in this way. What can I do?

--Worried Dad

DEAR DAD: You should have started establishing firm boundaries during the pregnancy. As it is, you have found yourself in the middle of an episode of "Everybody Loves Raymond."

Stop being intimidated by your mother-in-law's presence and respectfully assert your responsibilities as a parent. Your mother-in-law should not replace you at home. Your wife is married to you and now you two have a family. To establish a solid start for your son, your family should be the primary relationship for all of you.

Bringing a baby home is very stressful. Your wife might be depressed or overwhelmed. Calmly talk about what she wants and needs from her mother during your child's infancy. Decide together.

It sounds as if your wife consistently welcomes her mother's interference. This puts your mother-in-law in the middle of your marriage. If you and your wife can't work things out, seek the help of a counselor.