How do you go about finding a therapist?

DEAR AMY: I've noticed that you often suggest a "mental health professional" when the situation warrants it. Could you provide some pointers on how to find one? I have friends who have gone to psychiatrists/

psychologists, but really want to keep this private and am a little shy about asking them. Seeking Some Help

DEAR SEEKING: I have found therapists for myself through personal referrals, physician referrals and by calling a local teaching hospital. I have found therapists for others by checking the American Psychological Association's website apa.org.

The site has a "psychologist locator" tool in which you can type your ZIP code and see a database of local therapists, along with their specialties.

Normally you can call or e-mail and outline the basics of what you're seeking. It might take a few calls to find a good fit.

If you see a doctor regularly, I'd start there. Your physician knows your health issues and family history and also will know mental health practitioners personally and professionally.

It takes some bravery to get started, but the best therapists will respond to your discomfort with compassion.

DEAR AMY: After I returned from eight weeks of medical leave, a co-worker went on medical leave. My supervisor sent her a lovely food basket from the department. I didn't expect nor did I receive flowers or a food basket, but I still feel hurt by the omission. I hesitate talking to my supervisor because I am not a member of her clique. What should I do?Recovering

DEAR RECOVERING: What you should do is nothing. Life isn't fair, and your supervisor was insensitive. Your wounded feelings are understandable.

Yes, cliques are present in some form in many workplaces, but, unlike at middle school, you get paid to be there.

Determine that you will get over this - and you will.