DEAR AMY: I'm a 15-year-old Asian-American. I live in a safe neighborhood where gangs are virtually nonexistent and kidnapping and crime are extremely rare. However, my mom feels the need to forbid me from walking outside at all times. I understand why she would be so uptight about this -- last year, a girl in a nearby district was kidnapped -- but this rule has been in place even before this happened. My mother won't let me out of the house, even with my phone and a promise to return after an hour or two. I've made several attempts to change her mind about this rule over the past few years, but nothing works. If I try to use my friends as examples, she counters with a story about one of her friends' daughters almost being kidnapped. My mother complains that I don't socialize and exercise enough, and yet she won't let me out! When I point out this contradiction, she gets annoyed and changes the subject. How do I get her to change her mind?Anxious DaughterDEAR ANXIOUS:Rather than ask your protective mom to completely dismiss a rule and reverse herself, you should ask her if she would be willing to allow you to "practice" going out in the neighborhood for a limited time by yourself. For example, maybe there is a brief local errand you could do for her. Take your phone with you, always answer her calls and call her to check in.

If you have small successes, you should be able to build upon them until you have slightly more freedom. You may never have as much freedom as you want or as much as other kids.

When my daughter was your age and we lived in the city, she took a self-defense class. The focus was on crime avoidance. Among the defensive tips were to be very aware of your surroundings, to follow your instincts, and to always scream, raise a ruckus and -- most important -- run from trouble. Maybe you could find a local class and bring mom with you.

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