How to defang monster mother-in-law

DEAR AMY: I cannot deal with my monster-in-law. She's bossy, antagonistic, and gossips about my personal business. As much as I try to care about her, my dislike has been surfacing more and more. I went on antidepressants as I was planning our wedding and almost called it off, partly because of her. Now, blessedly, I am pregnant, and the only thing I hear from her is how we must name our son (if it's a boy) the family name "Bernie" (he would be the fourth one). Neither my husband nor I wants to use this name. But she is adamant that we must, and says that if we do not, then she will still call him "Skipper" -- the nickname the family uses for all of the other Bernies. No matter how much I ask her not to, she still insists on it. The more I get upset, the more my husband and I argue. Although he agrees with me, he will not put his foot down. Please give me some advice!

--Angry

DEAR ANGRY: Every time your mother-in-law successfully riles you, she ignites a little spark in you. Then you oxygenate the spark by reacting -- or fighting with your husband about it -- and before you know it, you're in flames (and you've made her day).

Rather than allow her to create discord in your marriage, you should focus on removing her access to combustible material.

If discussing your baby's name always leads you down the same path, then stop discussing it. You just say, "Well, we haven't decided on a name; but we know what your preference is." If she wants to call your baby "Skipper," you can say, "You can call the baby anything you want to, though it might be awkward if that isn't her name." But you also need to be aware that this behavior might get worse after the baby is born.

Given that, the person who prescribed antidepressants to you should also refer you to counseling. I suggest you and your husband seriously discuss strategies for drawing and enforcing boundaries.