Husband can't stand BFF she confides in

DEAR AMY: My husband very strongly dislikes my best friend. He feels she is a "bad influence" on me, as she hasn't settled down in her late 20s, goes to a gym that offers "pole fitness" classes, and had an abortion. He also knows that I confide in her when he and I fight or when I need to vent. She and I have been very close since before he and I started dating. She is always very supportive and I try to be there for her. I am relatively newly wed and love my husband, but relationships are hard and I feel justified in having someone to talk to about problems I cannot always discuss with him. He is always angry when I am talking to her on the phone and has gone so far as to hack into my email account and read our emails. Heaven forbid the email contains a reference to an acquaintance we find attractive or a (justified or not) complaint about a habit of his. My friend does not harbor any ill will toward him, but she is concerned that he can be controlling. I hate having him sulking, but I feel like I should be able to chat privately with my friend. Conflicted

DEAR CONFLICTED: Your husband is being unreasonable. But then, so are you.

You are putting your friendship with your girlfriend in the middle of your relationship with your husband. You also need to learn how to dole out information like a grown-up.

Why, for instance, would you tell your husband that your girlfriend had an abortion (I'm assuming you shared this with him)? And why are you venting about private matters in your marriage? Your behavior invites each of these people to harshly judge the other.

You don't seem to have done anything to bring them together, and most of your behavior keeps them separate. You three need a do-over. You should be able to "chat privately" with your friend, but you also should welcome your husband into the circle from time to time. And he needs to grow up, too.