If husband's going to cheat, she will, too

DEAR AMY: A man calling himself "Wandering Husband" wrote to you, justifying why he cheats. I've dealt with a husband who has cheated from Day One, and it wasn't easy, but between kids and finances, staying with him was the only option. After his last "slip-up" I told him I wanted exactly what he had. I said I wanted to be able to cheat just as he did; we agreed to have an "open marriage." Through all the fights and issues we've had, we have tried to revert to monogamy, but it didn't work. Honestly, every time I cheat and let him know it, he's not happy, and that puts a smile on my face. I realize it's not my fault that he cheats and it's not the fault of the women he cheats with - it's his fault. I feel like any woman facing this should get out now, because he won't change and there are a ton of men out there who won't behave this way. I am a wife who is definitely having the last laugh.Chuckling

DEAR CHUCKLING: If you are having the "last laugh," then why is your letter so very sad? I agree with you that your husband's choice to cheat isn't your responsibility.

Your choice to cheat is. And by your own account, your decision to stay in this marriage and try to cheat your way out of your marital problems is regretful - otherwise, why would you suggest that other people facing this issue should "get out now"? I hope you can gain even more insight into your behavior and make the changes necessary to live a better life - for you and for your children.

DEAR AMY: Thank you for not letting "Wandering Husband" get away with his lame explanation of why men cheat. His glib justification that cheating makes him more attractive to his spouse places this chap somewhere on the corner of Borderline Boulevard and Narcissism Street. As the father of a young daughter, I want to clip this column to warn her when she gets older, but I'm afraid it might disillusion her altogether.Monogamous by Choice