In tough times, everyone can't afford to be generous

DEAR AMY:Whenever my 16-year-old son and his friends play video games or watch a movie at our house, we provide them with snacks and beverages. My son has often paid for this out of his own pocket. Whenever they go to "Jack's" house, his mom sends an e-mail to everyone telling them to bring a snack to share, and she recently said, "Bring money so we can order pizza." I find this tacky and rude. For Jack's 17th birthday, he "invited" my son to the movies to celebrate his birthday. My son had to pay for himself when they got there. Is this a trend or is it just rude and obnoxious?WonderingDEAR WONDERING: I don't see a trend here. What I do see is a tough economy, where hosting a pack of teenage boys could cost $200. Nor do I think asking kids to pay for their own snacks or chip in for pizza is outrageous. These teens should be involved in the important transition - from kids whose moms provide snacks and pay for movies - to young adults who finance their own recreation.

It sounds as if you are a generous person who enjoys treating these kids. That's an admirable trait, but to brand another family as tacky, rude and obnoxious for following a different financial model is unnecessarily harsh.

DEAR AMY: I am a 42-year-old woman living in the same city as my mother. When we meet for dinner each week, I like to have a beer. My mom frowns on this, though she'll have a glass of wine at functions. How can I nicely say, "I am an adult and if I want to relax after a hard day's work, why can't you allow me without getting upset and climbing on your high horse?" She gambles at least three times per week, and I don't give her lectures.Like My SudsDEAR SUDS: I'm going to assume that you don't have a drinking problem and your mother doesn't have a gambling problem. One response is, "Make mine a double." Otherwise, you can be straightforward and say, "Mom, I'm going to have a beer. If you don't like it, I'm sorry, but I'm 42, I'm responsible and this is what I'm going to do." If your mother won't leave this alone, and if establishing your right to have a beer is that important, you might want to meet her for dinner less often.