'Instigator' boyfriend may not be 'the one'

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I have been together for almost a year and a half. I am happy in our relationship for the most part - except one major thing.

I have borderline personality disorder, which means I feel extreme highs and lows due to a very tough and painful past.

The extreme emotion I feel most often is anger. I don't get angry often, but when I do, it is very hard for me to control. I have improved a lot over the years, go to therapy regularly and work hard to stabilize my emotions, but it still haunts me.

My boyfriend knows this and is a self-proclaimed "instigator." I truly believe this man may be "the one" for me, but it is hard to make progress with him constantly egging me on. Sometimes it gets so bad I am reduced to crying because it is either that or fly off the hinges. When I try to discuss this with my boyfriend, he says he is sorry but blows it off, which infuriates me even more. How can I get through to him that I don't want to be like this? I am very supportive of him and try very hard to understand his needs, but I don't get the same understanding in return.

Ticking Time Bomb

DEAR TICKING: You describe yourself as a "ticking time bomb," and yet you choose to be in a relationship with someone who describes himself as an "instigator."

Every relationship has rough patches, and every person has soft and tender spots. But you should not be with someone who deliberately throws kerosene onto the smoking ember of your temper.

You are fortunate to understand what drives you. You are working hard to attend to your problems and are making progress.

Speak with your therapist about this. If your boyfriend really is "the one," he should be willing to attend some sessions with you to educate himself about your disorder so that he may help - not hinder - you.