Interdependence is key to happiness

DEAR SUSAN: My late "Greatest Generation" parents got some things wrong when I was growing up, but one thing they got right is that in marriage or another key relationship, total independence usually leads to misery and loneliness ("freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose"), whereas, total dependence leads to frustration/anger/

violence/addiction -- or worse. Only interdependence is sustainable over the long haul. Thanks, Dad.

From the Single File blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Wish we all had such a father! The wisdom he passed along must have already proved valuable in your relationships. Clearly, his words are trusted allies as you meander single life, helping you make the choices that can add up to a fulfilling life.

I can only hope and pray that parents out there appreciate your father's legacy and pass it along to their young. (It's already happening -- each time a reader puts into action my Declaration of Undependence, affirming personal wholeness that lovingly strengthens future relationships, whatever they may be.) But make no mistake; this strength isn't about total independence or total dependency. Not at all. Its aim is to build a fully functioning individual who will enter relationships neither dependent nor insular.DEAR SUSAN: I know some people can be sexually involved with multiple partners and not feel bad about it, but this can only work if the other person feels the same way. Even if people know their partner is sleeping with other people and accept it at first, they often find they're not as comfortable with it as they thought they'd be. I could never imagine being intimate with more than one person at a time. And I could never accept my partner doing that.

And from the opposite side of the blogosphereDEAR SUSAN: Many responsible, emotionally mature adults can date and have sex with multiple people for a while. They often then settle into a relationship with a specific person. Casual dating and casual sex don't necessarily mean stupid or irresponsible or dangerous or thought-free. Plenty of people who only have sex with one person can still do irresponsible or dangerous things.

Both letters from the Single File blog

DEAR READERS: There you have it. Two unmarried men with opposing views on casual sex. (I've heard from too many casual sex casualties to be impartial on the issue.) But all of us hope you will weigh in on this important topic.