Is disagreement over having children a deal breaker?

DEAR AMY: I am a 34-year-old woman and have been in a relationship for about a year now. He has two children from a previous relationship. The other day I brought up the subject of having a child with him, because I don't have any and would love to be a mother soon. He flat-out told me he did not want to have any more children. I'm not sure what to do. I am in love with him, and he says he loves me but that he does not want to have any more kids. What should I do?Worried Woman

DEAR WORRIED: This may be the single most challenging issue couples face as they contemplate their future.

When someone gives you the benefit of his unvarnished view, and when he expresses this with frank honesty, you should believe him and then make your own choice based on the information he has provided.

It's not as though your guy is inexperienced or ambivalent. He has children and is certain he doesn't want to have any more.

I have heard from many women who have faced this. If they compromised or buried their desire to have children for the sake of the relationship, almost to a person they have reported regretting this choice.

You need to determine if your desire to be a mother can be satisfied by any role you might play in your guy's kids' lives. If not, you should reconsider your future with him.

DEAR AMY: What should a hostess do when a guest responds to say she is bringing her uninvited 4-year-old daughter to a formal wedding shower? This event is definitely not for children. What should I do?

Harried Hostess

DEAR HARRIED: Assume your guest has misunderstood the invitation. Give her a call to say, "I'm so sorry but there won't be any other children at the shower and I don't think it's going to be a kid-friendly atmosphere. I hope you can get a sitter for the afternoon."