Is ice water the answer to toddler tantrums?

DEAR AMY: I need to respond to the questions in your column about toddler tantrums. I was a screaming toddler 50 years ago. My mother was a prim woman. Tantrums were simply not going to be tolerated. One day, as I stood there screaming, I watched as she calmly put an ice cube in a glass, then filled it with an inch of water, swished the cube around so the water was good and cold, took the cube out, stood back and threw the cold water swiftly over the front of me. I stopped screaming abruptly, and she simply said, "You were getting awfully hot." Next time I saw the cube go in the glass, I stopped crying, knowing what was about to happen. I never went the hysteria route again. Years later, it worked for my son, too.Peggy in Maryland

DEAR PEGGY: Scores of readers have written saying that throwing cold water in the face of a screaming toddler is the way to respond to a tantrum. I don't advocate this.

I took this question to Dr. Joshua Sparrow, co-author with Dr. T. Berry Brazelton of "Mastering Anger and Aggression - the Brazelton Way." Sparrow says, "A child in a full-blown tantrum is in the throes of an inner storm. She can't think straight and can't be reasoned with. Her emotions - frustration, disappointment, anger and confusion - have temporarily become physical sensations that have a grip on her mind and her body.

"Sometimes comfort, holding and cuddling will help, although often the child needs to work to comfort herself before she can be comforted by a parent. In some cultures, parents will sprinkle a few drops of water on a child's face. Often the best approach is to step back (making sure the child is safe), and remain present but disengaged. Manage the tantrum without demonstrating anger or aggression, which is bound to intensify the tantrum and interfere with the learning process that goes on during tantrums - the gradual mastery of self-control."