Is monogamy a dying lifestyle?

DEAR SUSAN: I've been married for 20 years, but I believe monogamy isn't something that comes naturally. Not that I haven't valued fidelity and what it means within a committed relationship, but as much as I love my wife, I can't help but be tempted occasionally to have sex with other women. If it were permissible for me, my wife would have the same right. As life spans continue to increase, it seems to me more individuals will not remain monogamous.

From the Single File blogDEAR BLOGGER: You've sensed an important sociological trend. Longer life spans will lead to more than one mate per person. And if my sense is on target, the male will become endangered, so even when married, men will be affectionate (ahem) with more than one woman. Marriage will probably consider plural mates or some arrangement that suits the needs of all involved. Your words bring to mind those uttered by Jimmy Carter, who admitted "lusting" in his heart. But he did nothing about it, and that's the point. Lusting mentally is no black mark against your wife or marriage -- because you don't act on it. Yes, marriage can have moments of boredom. And for sure, there is plenty of temptation out there, beckoning. The only question that matters is whether you act on your impulses.

DEAR SUSAN: I fully validate women's wish to meet men in their own income brackets. I believe their message is that one cannot respect someone with no ambition or accomplishment. Too many women settle for losers because they think they should feel guilty for expecting more -- as if having standards makes them gold diggers. Wanting a smart, successful husband is not shameful.

From the Single File blogDEAR SUSAN: Making women feel guilty for expecting a work ethic is how lazy no-goodniks wind up bumming off hardworking women. Is the woman really a gold digger because she expects a mate to have a similar accomplishment level? Why enable the couch-surfing, chronically unemployed types? An intelligent, successful woman may have trouble respecting and having things in common with a goalless mate. Another BloggerDEAR SUSAN: I wonder whether income level is more about value systems than it is about actual dollars. There are differences in attitudes toward finances that can make or break a relationship. For example, how does a couple deal with financial crises? How do they draw the line between financial benefit and ethics? How important is money versus family time? What are their spending priorities? I've seen couples with similar incomes drive each other nuts because one is stingy and the other is a spender. Income level also may be a code for tastes -- beer versus Champagne, thrift shop versus latest styles, classical music versus garage bands. Blogger No. 3DEAR BLOGGERS: Whew! Lots of people weighing in on this issue, and the reason is clear. Income, lifestyle and values are all connected, all important to the health of a relationship. Which is one strong vote for common interests as meeting place. There are so many elements wrapped in a person's interests -- values, tastes, priorities. Not that all of them need to be shared to find compatibility. But having the main ones as commonality is a huge step toward lasting harmony.