Is my good son on the computer way too much?

DEAR AMY: I need your advice on how to deal with my son, who I believe spends far too much time on the computer.

I feel embarrassed because I don't know how to help him change his behavior. He is 20 years old, living with me, going to school, looking for a job in a very tough economy (in our town, more than 25 percent of young adults are unemployed) and volunteering one day a week for a great nonprofit. He's bright and kind. I like him as well as love him. But I can't shake the feeling that spending eight or more hours a day chatting and gaming and reading online is way too much. It's not that he won't or can't engage. He is happy to shop and cook and do his share of chores. One part of me says that if I knit and run and read in my spare time, why can't he do what he chooses? Besides wanting him to search harder for a job, it may be that I just don't understand why he enjoys so much time gaming. Giving advice, withholding the computer, "laying down the law" won't work, I don't think. What should I do about this?Wondering Mom

DEAR MOM: Your son lives some of his life online, and even though that's not how you spend your time, there's nothing "wrong" with it.

Your son is probably reading sites for news, doing research for school, watching last night's episode of "The Daily Show," checking sports scores, writing his school papers, looking for work, gaming with far-flung competitors and Facebooking friends and colleagues.

If you see all of his computer time as taking the place of watching TV, reading books and magazines, playing chess and talking by phone, then his screen time might not seem like too much.

He sounds like a nice young man. Unless you feel he is withdrawn, depressed, obsessed with gaming or missing out on real-world connections, you should trust that he will learn to moderate his own activities.