Is this relationship worth saving?

DEAR AMY: Six months ago, I got drunk and woke up in bed with another man. My fiance was yelling at him. It has been hard, but I quit drinking, got counseling and made it my purpose in life to be a better mother and partner. I had been unhappy for years because my fiance never goes anywhere with me, and if we go out, we go separately because we don't like to hire baby-sitters for our two kids. Now, my fiance has come back from a work trip where he had a weeklong affair.

All the evidence was on display for me to find, but when I confronted him, he said it was just a mistake, not an affair. I asked him to leave, but he refused. The police have said that he doesn't have to leave if he doesn't hit me. His mistress has told me he is staying with me for only another couple of weeks. She says he is crazy about her. My fiance and I both fear commitment and divorce.

We sit in limbo, afraid to get married or to separate, although the last time we talked about it, he said he does want to get married. I don't know what to do. Can you offer me any advice?Sober but Confused

DEAR SOBER: Do you really think this mess boils down to your refusal to leave your children with a baby-sitter? Honestly, the way you portray the atmosphere in your home, the kids might be better off with a sitter.

Now that you are sober, you should focus your energy on staying sober. Ask your counselor to help you explore your choices and their consequences, and ask your fiance to come into therapy with you.

Your primary commitment should be to do what's best for your children. Living in the midst of this volatile and chaotic relationship is definitely not good for them.

You two could repair your relationship, but until you do so, a peaceful separation might be best for the kids.