Just how married does she have to be to have sex?

DEAR AMY: My fiance and I are getting married quickly due to his military orders to move overseas. We are having a small ceremony at my parents' home. My parents are supportive of the marriage, and everyone knows we are planning a religious ceremony when my soon-to-be husband is allowed to take leave. My mother has strongly suggested that even though we will be legally married we should not sleep together until after our religious wedding, to be held about six months from now. She says to stay pure so that our wedding won't be like "putting on a show." Although I share similar Christian values, I want to take the opportunity to be with my husband for a week before he goes overseas. Should I follow my mother's wishes, or be an adult and do as I please with my legal husband before the religious ceremony? If she finds out we slept together before the religious ceremony, she may not pay for our wedding, and my fiance and I do not have the money to put on a nice wedding like my mother wants.Concerned

DEAR CONCERNED: If you ask me, "staying pure" for your mother's sake until a religious ceremony several months from now is definitely "putting on a show." The obvious solution would be for you to find a member of the clergy to bless your union when you get married now, with a larger reception later. You could also enlist clergy or the military chaplain to advise, inform and counsel you and your mother.

If you are old and mature enough to face the challenges of being a military spouse, you should also be strong enough to stand up to your mother. Be an adult.

DEAR AMY: Here is a better answer to "Puzzled Parent," whose children never reached for the check at dinner. The mother (or father) should say to the server, "Separate checks, please." Been There, Been Treated