Just who qualifies for 'family' cruise?

DEAR AMY: My wife and I are in our 80s with three adult children and five grandchildren. We have taken family reunion cruises (which I have paid for) for the past two years. My recently divorced daughter who lives in another state has not come on previous cruises for various reasons. We are planning another trip for this fall. The problem is that my daughter wants to include her boyfriend, whom we have never met. My wife is very strongly against including him, as it would be improper and would set a wrong example to have my daughter's two teenage children see their mother with another man. One is in college and the other is a high school senior who lives with his father. They are very close to their dad. My daughter sees nothing wrong with including the boyfriend. She would not enjoy going without him. She says this is no different from the case of one of my unmarried sons who brings his live-in girlfriend of more than five years, who is like a family member. I am trying very hard to be neutral. What do you think about including the boyfriend?Grandfather in the Middle

DEAR GRANDFATHER: Your daughter won't welcome instruction about what example she is setting for her own children.

That's her business.

However, you are paying for this cruise. This makes it your party.

A family trip is not the ideal venue to meet your daughter's new man. In addition to the discomfort this creates for various family members, this puts him under some pressure.

I suggest you tell your daughter, "We'd love to meet the new man in your life, but because we don't know him we won't be able to include him in the family cruise this year. If you choose not to come with us, we understand."