Keeping autism label from redefining a boy

DEAR AMY: My fiance has a 4-year-old son from a previous relationship who was recently diagnosed with high-functioning autism. That prompted my fiance's parents to finally tell him that he also was diagnosed with this as a child. Neither diagnosis was a surprise, but it has understandably been difficult for him. The child's mother has made almost daily Twitter and Facebook posts about their son's condition that really upset my fiance. The shared pictures and quotes make it seem like their child is very impaired, which he isn't. He's being painted as a helpless victim who will need lifelong care, not the intelligent, funny and lively boy that he is. I don't think she realizes how hurtful this is on my fiance's end. He has the same mild diagnosis and he grew into a happy, successful adult. It's hard for him to see her talking about their child as if his future went from bright to bleak the second he was diagnosed. Is there any way he can tell his ex that her way of talking about their son's autism, and autism in general, is upsetting to him, without being offensive himself?

--Overshared

DEAR OVERSHARED: I appreciate your thoughtfulness -- and your determination not to let this particular label define a young child. Your fiance should approach his ex in the spirit of being effective parents, not about how her behavior affects his own self-esteem. The two of them should meet with the person who made the diagnosis. They should discuss the child's challenges and the best way to meet them.

I agree that inflating this situation on social networks shows poor judgment. The father should advocate for his son by asking his ex, "Do you think this is an accurate portrayal of our son? How do you think it affects his relationships and his ability to understand and navigate this challenge when people think he's more disabled than he is?" The father should spend as much time as possible with his son to offer a real-life example of how to thrive.