Kindness comes first in relationships

DEAR SUSAN: No matter who makes the first move, what bothers me is that men and women don't get along so well. They must know that they need each other and have to reach out to each other more often. Much has been written about changes in society, but the constant that's been overlooked in all those changes is the need for us to treat each other better.

From the Single File blog

DEAR BLOGGER: The thought that all of us -- men and women -- can be the stable, predictable force while an ever-changing world swirls around us is no daydream. It's an absolute necessity if our species is to survive. Yet we continue to let absurdities such as first moves get in the way. I wish we would realize that being kind and respectful to each other is the smoothest way to jog along life's paths. Considering the tailspin we're in, it seems more than urgent to try another way of relating to the other gender. It makes sense to move into friendship mode with the other sex, to at least give it a try. For sure, the other approach has been abject failure, so there's not much to lose.

How many people of the other gender have you liked? How many have you understood as people, as friends? Try it. You might find you enjoy it.

DEAR SUSAN: You have posted some of my questions and comments in your column, but I still don't understand why others have what I desire. Why must I be alone when I don't want to be?

From the Single File blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Face it, my friend, we're all alone, walking single file. From time to time, someone really nice may start walking beside you, but you -- and you alone -- are the constant on this journey. What you make of it is, for the most part, up to you. You can choose to put on blinders and narrow your focus to your solitary state. The other alternative is to live each day to the max, making the most of opportunities that come your way; it's a choice, as is most of life. And every one of us has been handed the gift of free will. You've been allowed -- no, encouraged -- to be all you can be. And if that sounds like a dare, you can be certain it is. Mixing freedom with opportunity is a heady mix, admittedly too potent for some, the perfect formula for others. Your state of singleness gives you almost total control of your time and resources, giving you a significant choice: Use them constructively to build a life of your choosing, or continue this emotional meltdown and cling to your weak and pitiful self-portrait.