Let time heal hurt of lost first love

DEAR AMY: I'm 17, and I fell in love with a guy when I was 16. He was the only person I have ever truly loved, and we were together 22 months. We are no longer together, and I think it's because I didn't want to have sex with him. What am I to do? I still love him, but he has another girlfriend, and it hurts to see that she makes him happy. His mother is also harassing me, and she says things to me that a grown woman shouldn't say to a 17-year-old. I want to move on, but my heart won't let me.

--Sad and Alone

DEAR SAD: I'm going to offer you a visual cue that you should return to when you're feeling low. I want you to find the biggest and most old-fashioned clock you can find. Look at its beautiful face, and tell yourself, "Time will heal me." In addition to letting time do its magic, here are some concrete things you can do: Stay away from people who put you down. Substitute the search for love with the search for friendship. The fellowship of a true friend will make you feel beautiful, smart and strong.

Your sweetness, strength and core values will draw people toward you who appreciate these qualities. Somewhere in the crush of people who will be drawn to you over time is the one you will love next. And he will love you back.

DEAR AMY: You are right to suggest that "Concerned," whose son cries when she leaves him at school, might be helping to create the situation. I used to baby-sit for a friend. who had a 5-year-old and a 9-month-old baby. The baby cried every time she got ready to leave. She made it worse by hanging around and acting upset. One day when I started playing with him right away, he didn't notice when she left. You should have seen her face! It was clear that the separation was much more traumatic for her. Concerned should realize that her son probably stops crying fairly soon after she leaves, when he gets involved in doing something.

--Kay