LETTERS: Tyler Clementi, cyberbullying, Suffolk spending

Student's suicide evokes compassion

I was so glad to read the essay about how repressed our gay teens still feel today ["What message are we sending gay kids?," Opinion, Oct. 7], in regard to the very sad Tyler Clementi tragedy. My twin brother and I were those gay teens back in the '80s. We can distinctly remember - how could we forget? - the constant stream of gay slurs we endured all throughout high school.

My brother and I soon became numb to it. Or did we ever, really? I don't think so. Even though we finally had the courage to stop living a lie, especially to our straight boyfriends and girlfriends, that stigma and pain of feeling worthless and ashamed is something you can never quite forget. Thankfully, my brother and I weathered the storm by having the support of our loving family and friends, and are comfortable and happy with ourselves and our sexuality today.

Unfortunately, even though being gay is more accepted than ever, we still have a long way to go. The teasing and discrimination are still very strong - from the military's "don't ask, don't tell" policy, to minimal consequences for harmful teasing and hate crimes. I hope all people, and our government, work diligently to fight against this.

Jennifer Guastella

Farmingdale

The tragic suicide of Tyler Clementi highlights the need to address the devastating effects of bullying, especially of cyberbullying. Previously, students bullied in high school could go off to college and start with a fresh image and make new friends. Unfortunately, the global, 24-7 mushrooming of social networking may facilitate inescapable harassment.

Cyberbullying prevention programs need to address not only the school environment but all facets, including community, family and peers. It is essential to change the culture of bystander peers whether in school or in cyberspace, and to teach personal responsibility and encourage people to speak up when bullying occurs. Peer pressure against tolerating harassment would go a long way to help eliminate the behavior.

Elizabeth Carll

Centerport

Editor's note: The writer is a clinical psychologist.

It seems that cyberbullying is not getting any better, even with parents speaking out who have lost children to suicide. The bullying is perpetrated by young adults and children who must feel so awful about themselves that their only relief is to push others to feel even worse than they do.

It seems to me that psychology should become a mandatory class for children as young as kindergarten. When I taught 2-year-olds and we discussed books together, they were able to identify feelings and why people were happy or sad or angry. It amazed me how astute these little ones were when I called their attention to what the characters' faces may be showing.

In addition to the schools focusing on this problem, the parents should be ever vigilant to whether their own child is suffering or whether their child is causing someone else's pain.

There are hotlines where people are ready to listen, to empathize and to find help. No one has to suffer this pain in silence.

Sylvia Essman

Plainview

In "Reaching out to parents of bullies" [Letters, Oct. 2], the writer asks, "Don't these parents realize that the moral, civic and religious values and the insight, compassion, dignity and self-respect they were role-modeling are not getting through to their children?"

Has he ever heard the expression, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree? Kids learn what they see and hear at home. These adults are not positive role models for their children. They have taught them to be bullies.

I vividly remember a parent-teacher conference I had more than 40 years ago when I read a laundry list of negative behaviors that one boy was displaying, including bullying many of his classmates. His parents' response was, "If we wanted discipline, we would have enrolled him in a military academy."

I replied, "You still have that option." It all starts with parenting skills.

Steve Abrams

Rocky Point

Editor's note: The writer is a retired teacher.

Junior-sized bailout is bad for Suffolk

I read with dismay that William Lindsay, the Suffolk County Legislature's presiding officer, is proposing moving $50 million from the county's "rainy day" fund in a maneuver structured to avoid 250 layoffs ["Levy opposes using reserves to save jobs," News, Oct. 5]. This move may result in a greater financial burden on county taxpayers if it triggers a bond rating downgrade.

If the federal bailouts weren't bad enough, Lindsay is endeavoring to sponsor his own junior-sized bailout here in Suffolk County. Akin to the auto industry bailout, it's clearly more of the same pandering to a special interest group with taxpayer dollars. Suffolk County politics: Monkey see, monkey do at its worst.

John F. DeMarle

East Patchogue

Jones Beach tower repair's too costly

I appreciate the Jones Beach water tower and what it stands for and what it means to this area. However, when I read they spent $6.1 million to repair it ["Landmark in tip top shape," News, Oct. 6] when there are children going to bed hungry, people out of work, teachers losing jobs and more, I was disturbed and upset.

Spend at least half of that money, and maybe we could actually do some good and take care of the people who live here who drive by that tower every day. As a lifetime Long Islander it disturbs me to see this money spent on a building. Now that it's all repaired and the top is put back on, maybe we can focus on what really matters and help the people of Long Island.

Stephanie Abrams

Long Beach