Level with your teens about your college drug use

DEAR AMY: I am a 40-year-old mother of two high school sons. I used drugs when I was in college. Many years ago I made the decision that I do not want to disclose this to my children. I have repeatedly and clearly informed my 36-year-old sister since the children were born that she should not disclose this history to them. I just learned that she decided, "it was time for them to know the truth" and told them details of my drug use. My sister has a miserable life due to various health and marriage issues, and I am not sure if I should confront her about this or if I should leave it alone, given that she has so many other problems. I feel angry and betrayed, and am not sure what to do. I believe that bringing this up with her may just make things worse. Amy, what do you think I should do?

UnsureDEAR UNSURE: Ironically, you may have brought on this disclosure by emphasizing the need for secrecy with someone who can't be trusted.

This is like dangling knowledge of an actor's extramarital affair in front of a tabloid.

Your drug use is old news, but now that your sons know your sister's version of your life story, you should put yourself back in charge.

Sit down with your sons and tell them that while you didn't want their aunt to disclose your personal business, now that she has, you're available to talk.

If they have questions, answer them honestly.

If you feel the information they're asking for is none of their business or beside the point, then tell them so, nicely.

If you don't want them to take drugs, then say so.

If they think this makes you a hypocrite, then - well, that's the price of your honesty.

I agree with you that discussing this further with your sister is a nonstarter. Don't go there.