Losing patience with litany of dad's woes

DEAR AMY: My dad is in his late 80s, but looks 10 to 15 years younger. He lives alone (my mother passed away some years ago) and is very independent in most aspects of his life. He enjoyed good health up until about four years ago, when he started having some heart problems and other issues. Lately, he has made a career of going to different doctors, trying to find one who will fix what ails him. Recently, three doctors gave him the same diagnosis and course of treatment for one of his ailments, but he insists on looking for another doctor who might give him a different diagnosis. I visit him often because I love him and realize he won't be around forever, but I leave depressed and angry after listening to his litany of aches and pains. He's not a hypochondriac, and I believe him when he says he has problems. I've told him how lucky he is that he is as well as he is, but it's the same story. I don't want to subject myself to this anymore. My two sisters live out of town and phone him frequently but feel the same way. What do you suggest?

Had It in Reno

DEAR RENO: Your father might be exhibiting some signs of dementia by doctor-shopping, ruminating on his aches and pains, and being repetitive. But he also might be repeating himself because he feels he isn't being heard -- or believed.

Perhaps he doesn't feel "lucky to be as well as he is," so your answering his lament with this statement seems dismissive.

All of you should try to stay with him long enough to experience his daily routine. Ask him to let you come along on appointments and see how he interacts with his physician. Bring any medications he is on and double-check the dosages. Be more involved in his home and health care.

I'd say you and your sisters don't know how lucky you are -- or have been -- to have an elderly parent needing so little direct attention from you. But it seems this needs to change.