Loves husband, hates tiny ring

DEAR AMY: My husband and I have been happily married for one year. We are starting out in new careers with modest incomes. He proposed on a gorgeous beach and respectfully asked my father's "permission." The only problem is that I really dislike my engagement ring. I feel embarrassed to tell him. I don't want to hurt his pride or be petty and materialistic. I decided to get over it and just be thrilled with starting a life together. But I can't help but wince when I look at it. I know that it cost less than $1,000, and I just can't make myself like the ring, even though I've tried for a year. I can't help but feel a pang of jealousy at all of my girlfriends' rings -- and I'm embarrassed at feeling so materialistic. He has mentioned that he knows it's a lot simpler than my friends' rings, and he has seemed to try to compensate by buying me a diamond necklace for my birthday -- but I don't want him to keep trying to "make up for it." Am I being ridiculous to want a nicer piece -- not crazy expensive, but a little nicer? I feel terrible, but is there any way to gently break this to him so we can choose a different ring together? Should I keep this secret forever?

Ashamed

DEAR ASHAMED: My perspective is that, in the grand scheme of things, just about every other thing in your life is probably more important than this.

But this bothers you, and your husband has noticed. You can face this (gently) by asking him if the two of you could work together to save money to pick out a different ring. Perhaps you could agree to exchange cards and letters instead of gifts over the next two years in order to save.

You could celebrate an anniversary by choosing a new ring together.

By then, you might have a different perspective -- and you may come to treasure the little ring your husband gave you, even if you still don't love it all that much.