Make your own holiday traditions

DEAR AMY: I have a very happy marriage and a very loving family. My husband and I have been married for three years. I live more than two hours (by plane) from my immediate and extended family: aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. We are a large, affectionate and close clan. My husband and I live near his family. Day to day, I like my life a lot. I love my husband and my job. I enjoy our friends. I talk to several family members often by phone. However, holidays are excruciating. My husband and I alternate holidays with my family (a plane ride away) and my husband's family. I feel selfish for feeling this way, but spending this time away from my family is so sad for me. I always put on a good face and enjoy hosting events for my in-laws, but I am reduced to tears when I talk to my family on the phone. I enjoy being around my husband's family, but the holidays make me realize that I don't see my family as much as I'd like (and they are all together). And I especially hate feeling like I chose my husband over my family. What can I do to try to enjoy the holidays without my beloved extended family?A Happy Wife

DEAR HAPPY: There are some things you can't fully fix. Holiday wistfulness, for example.

The sentimental sadness of the holiday is so powerful, it has inspired many of our favorite holiday films and songs (the tug of home expressed in "White Christmas," for example).

You may not be able to shake this feeling, but you will enjoy the holidays more if you anticipate this, accept the feeling and alter your routine a little.

You and your husband should work on building some simple, fun and personal traditions that don't involve either of your extended families, but are especially about the two of you.

Be open with him and let him comfort you.