Making the case for 'undependence'

DEAR SUSAN: I believe many couples fail because they don't acknowledge they do indeed complete each other and truly are responsible for the happiness of each other. If people were complete without another, the human race would have ended with Adam and Eve! The boyfriend of one of your readers only sent her a card for Christmas and wasn't with her on that important holiday and then was surprised she'd rather have been squeezed by her main squeeze! Her problem isn't that she can't be happy on her own; the problem is she's trying to find happiness with a self-centered man who cares less for her than his lame psychobabble excuses. Better that she finds a man who feels responsible for some portion of her completeness and happiness. A couple is more than the sum of its parts. Each partner gives up some "me" to become "us." -- From the "Single File" blogDEAR BLOGGER: Hey, don't fiddle with my undependence button. You know how I feel about becoming whole in the present instead of sitting in the waiting room of life, pinning your hopes on a yet-to-appear partner to jump-start your life. Making yourself content/happy/whole while you're unmarried hastens the next stage of your life -- whatever you decide it to be. Making yourself undependent actually revs up the chances of the appearance of a partner who will admire the life you've built for yourself. Undependent people are drawn into the world of choices as they evolve and make things happen. They have much better odds of being happy. They are not frantically scampering and looking for a partner. They are busy evolving, learning and giving to the world around them. That is their gratification.