Man who distresses you is bad for your son

DEAR AMY: I am a 24-year-old single mother with a young son. I was dating a young military man and thought I was in love, so I moved with my son to the town where he was stationed. Things were great until he came back from deployment. Then things went seriously downhill; he lost his temper with my son, and he would lose his temper with me daily. He asked me to leave and go back to my mom's (which is 10 hours from where we were living) and I took him seriously and left the next day. Now he is begging me to come back, complaining about how much our being apart hurts him. Considering all the garbage I put up with when we were together (he cheated, lied, got physical and acted like I was his maid) I was not happy -- but my son was. Amy, I know I deserve better, but my son is very attached to him. Which is more important -- my child being happy or me being happy? What should I do?Conflicted Mom

DEAR CONFLICTED: Your son should come first.

That's why you have to be the best mom possible -- and create and maintain a stable, healthy home life.

You should not move your son anywhere or live with anyone until you have lengthy and extensive evidence the man is stable, wonderful and will be in your lives forever. Until then, date -- don't live with someone.

You promoted your son's attachment to this man by moving him hundreds of miles across the country to form a family.

The child doesn't have the judgment to discern healthy from unhealthy relationships. It is your job to teach him.

I hope you have male friends and family members who could be great friends and role models for him.

Your son could never be happy long term if you were being mistreated. And that's the beauty of the family system -- if you do it right, everybody wins.