Mom's worried about friendless son

DEAR AMY: My 10-year-old son does well in groups such as Scouts and team sports, but he doesn't have any friends. He's reluctant to invite people over and has started to pull away from the few boys who want to hang out with him. If this is bothering him, he's not showing it, and he won't discuss it with me. He's a bit of an odd duck, and I'm afraid he'll be picked on in middle school if he doesn't have friends. Should I leave him to figure this out on his own, or is this something to be concerned about?

--Concerned Mom

DEAR MOM: This issue is something to be concerned about, but it is not your job to provide friends for your son. Instead, make sure he has the tools necessary to form relationships and make friends. Some children seem to thrive being part of a group, while others can feel overwhelmed by the challenges and stimulation of maintaining multiple relationships.

Your son may have a quirky and quieter temperament. You shouldn't telegraph your anxiety to your son, but you should speak to his teacher, his Scout leader and his coach. They may report that he does just fine in a more structured peer group overseen by an adult but that he is out of his element on the playground. Or they may suggest he be evaluated for a more serious problem that may be emerging in adolescence.

I admire the work of child psychologist Michael Thompson. I once heard Thompson speak about childhood group dynamics. He said that parents often want their children to have lots of friends, but really, it only takes one friend to make a child feel he belongs. Your son may be a "one friend" kind of kid, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Read Thompson's book, "Best Friends, Worst Enemies: Understanding the Social Lives of Children" (2002, Ballantine Books).