Mom won't face fact of Dad's cancer

DEAR AMY: My father has cancer. Though his prognosis is fine, my mother seems to be showing a complete lack of involvement with his health care. He has gone to oncologist and radiologist visits by himself. He was recently hospitalized and she did not even go to visit him. I worry that by her not realistically dealing with this issue now it could lead to an emotional breakdown later (this has happened to her before with another family issue). Do you have any suggestions for her adult children to help her face reality? Worried Family

DEAR FAMILY: As a family, your immediate attention should be toward your father's care. The most available and medically competent family member should accompany him on medical visits.

It sounds as if your mother's avoidance is extreme. Because she has a history of emotional struggles in times of stress, you should ask your father's treatment team if they can recommend a therapist, social worker or support group for her.

Obviously, your mother should not deal with this by avoidance or denial, but her impairment and your father's illness are your family's reality, and you should not assume she will be useful to him.

DEAR AMY: I am adopted. A close friend recently told me that she has an aunt who is adopted but doesn't know it. She is about 50 years old and has grown up thinking her adoptive parents are her biological parents. Everyone in her family knows she is adopted. Should they tell her? Mr. B

DEAR MR. B: I think an entire family knowing the truth about something as important as a person's biological heritage while keeping it a secret from the person herself is wrong. As an adopted person, surely you think this woman should know the truth about her own life. You should share your unique insight with your friend and urge her to encourage her family to be truthful.