Money gone after granddaughter slept over

DEAR AMY: My granddaughter (age 15) spent the night recently. The next day, I noticed $50 in a drawer in the room where she stayed was gone. No one else was in the room during that time. We've had problems like this in the past. When I asked her to return the money, she said she did not take it and did not understand how I could accuse my own granddaughter of doing this. If I push the issue, I may lose her, but I do not think I should let it go. Going to her parents will make things worse. But what to do?Unhappy in MarylandDEAR UNHAPPY: I'm going to assume your assumptions here are correct. Your granddaughter is reacting in an immature (but age-appropriate) way. You have little to lose at this point, because she is already avoiding you rather than dealing with her behavior.

Because she has done this in the past, you should assume this problem has not gone away. Her parents must be told. If she is stealing, they must deal with it -- now.

Check your medicine cabinet (and elsewhere) to see if anything else is missing, and let her parents know immediately.

The most compassionate thing is to force your granddaughter to deal with her problems, with your loving support. Don't be afraid of her reaction or behavior toward you, and tell yourself she is a girl having a tantrum because she got caught doing something she should not do.

DEAR AMY: I'm a physician who has worked with another doctor who wants me to provide a job reference. My problem is that I don't think he's a very good physician. How would you handle this?

Perplexed

DEAR PERPLEXED: If you don't have anything stellar to say, then don't shoot for the stars. Send a tepid, noncommittal statement that basically confirms employment and your professional relationship with the other doctor.