Never force your child to get married

DEAR AMY: My daughter is 23 years old and has been dating the same boy for six years. They recently became engaged and are planning to get married next spring. My daughter now says she doesn't think she wants to get married. She has told me that she still loves him but doesn't feel attracted to him anymore. Every time I bring up her wedding she gets angry and says she does not want to get married. I think she's self-centered and selfish. I've put down a lot of deposits to pay for the wedding. The guy she is with is really a nice person and would make a great husband. I think she wants her life to be a fairy tale, but I tell her that marriage is hard work. I know she will be happy with him, but she says she wants to wait! She is a very beautiful girl, and I think this goes to her head. Please give me the words to say to her.

--Concerned Mom

DEAR MOM: Say: "Honey, if you don't want to get married, you shouldn't get married. Putting down a deposit on a wedding hall is the worst reason in the world to get married. This is your life, and even if I think your fiance would make a great husband, I'm not marrying him. If you decide to cancel your wedding, we'll figure out how you can repay me for the deposits."

DEAR AMY: A friend of mine attended a theme cocktail party my husband and I hosted. He asked us to bartend for a party to celebrate his parents' 50th anniversary and we said of course! He offered to pay us, but that seemed ridiculous. But his mother issued orders for me to clear off and put away the food and all the dishes; collect dirty dishes and glasses; fill the dishwasher; cut the cake; make coffee, etc. I was stunned.

Should I just chock this up to a life lesson?

--Not a Server

DEAR NOT: You should chalk this up to a lesson learned, move on and never sign on for this sort of duty again.