Never left his side, but he's left hers

DEAR AMY: I have had a friend -- really, he has been more than a friend -- for 25 years.

We have been in a romantic relationship before and were rekindling the romance when he "disappeared." He has done this in the past because he gets scared when things get too serious between us. He has asked me to move to his city several times. He has told me he loves me and misses me, but his past mistakes keep him from going further with me. He says he knows I deserve better.

I have loved this man for 25 years, and he knows I always will. He pursues me; then, when he starts to get scared, he will back away. He told me that I needed to "keep things in perspective." He also tells me that if I weren't in his life, he would be seriously messed up. He says I am the only person in his life who has never left his side. I know that he has issues, but I do believe he loves me. I'm just confused. I don't know where to go from here. I truly believe we were meant to be together, but I can't continue to fall into this pattern, only to have him get scared again. What should I do?Sad PartnerDEAR SAD: I realize this is tough after 25 years of being locked into a challenging relationship, but you need to realize -- deep in your bones -- that this man's behavior is his own personal challenge. You may not be able to decode the depths of his problems. You certainly can't solve them for him. So don't make his problems your problem.

If he loves you, wants you in his life and is emotionally able to maintain a stable relationship with you, he will have to find ways to prove this to you.

Your first and biggest job is to pay close attention to your own behavior and choices. If being jerked around by someone who is emotionally stunted feels like love to you, then you should figure out why that is.

When you ask, "Where should I go from here?" the answer is, home. You should go home. Take care of yourself.