Column: Apple's most boring iPhone event ever

"Now I'd like to talk about iPhone. A couple of you may be expecting this."

Meant as a tongue-in-cheek introduction ofApple’s (NASDAQ:AAPL) latest offering to a frothing press and public, Tim Cook’s deadpan delivery was actually right on the nose considering the already familiar product he was about to show off to the world. Two products, actually.

At Tuesday’s big press event, the company rolled out the iPhone 5S, iPhone 5C, and iOS 7 at its headquarters in Cupertino, California, which only served to reinforce Apple’s unfortunate shift from reinventing the wheel to simply reshaping it. For a fan base that has been champing at the bit through the longest drought in new hardware releases since the iPad, Apple served up very little for them to sink their teeth into.