Movie Review: 'Cosmopolis' -- 1.5 stars

Cosmopolis
1.5 stars
Directed by
David Cronenberg
Starring Robert Pattinson, Juliette Binoche, Samantha Morton, Paul Giamatti
Rated R

When he spoke with Jon Stewart on "The Daily Show" earlier this week, Robert Pattinson jokingly told "Twilight" fans that he wanted "Cosmopolis" to have a higher-grossing opening weekend than "The Dark Knight Rises."

Of course that's impossible given his new film's six-screen limited release, as Pattinson noted.

But the hilarious thought of stunned Team Edward devotees scratching their heads at this mystifying David Cronenberg movie is about all there is to get you through what's a torturous viewing experience.

Cronenberg writes and directs this Don DeLillo adaptation, which follows Wall Street hotshot Eric Packer (Pattinson) on a very slow limo ride across Manhattan. Various characters weave in and out of the car as chaotic Occupy Wall Street-like protests erupt outside its tinted windows.

The promise of a star-studded movie about a one-percenter's crumbling existence, as captured by a filmmaker adept at this sort of urban horror show, is left sadly unfulfilled.

This is a drama-free movie, comprised of long-winded monologues and monotonous conversations. Cronenberg retains much of DeLillo's stilted, abstract dialogue, but what might have worked in a literary context falls flat in a straightforward big-screen treatment by calling endless attention to itself.

If there are any truths to be mined from Parker's plight, Cronenberg obscures them. Pattinson is compellingly vampire-like as the film's Master of the Universe, but he's trapped in an empty exercise.