Otherwise charming friend demeans her husband

DEAR AMY: My husband and I have good friends. She is charming, attractive, friendly and kind. He is sweet, witty and successful. The problem is she cuts him down in public. She tells him what he can and can't eat or drink, and she orders him about. This makes everyone uncomfortable and is demeaning to him. Do you have any suggestions?

--Nervous

DEAR NERVOUS: Even though your friend may mean well (and she may have good reasons for these corrections), she may not realize how her behavior creates tension for others.

So tell her - privately.

Say, "I've noticed that you have a habit of correcting and cutting down 'Brad' in front of us. I don't know how he feels about it, but it really makes me uncomfortable. I think the world of both of you and enjoy your company. But I'd enjoy it even more if I didn't feel this tension." She may explain herself, defend or justify her actions. Trust that you've given her something to reflect on.

A good friend doesn't just compliment and support a friend's choices when things are going well, but will also let her know (privately) when she behaves poorly.

DEAR AMY: Lighten up. A 10th-grade girl who wanted to go to the prom with her male friend wasn't settling. She simply wanted to go out and have a good time. She didn't want to get married, just go dancing. The worst that could happen is that she wouldn't have fun, but she definitely wouldn't have fun sitting home. You and her mother seemed to want to keep her home because something bad might happen if she went.

--Jeff

DEAR JEFF: The prom is high-stakes dancing. This sophomore wanted to go with a guy she didn't even particularly like. I agreed with her mother that she should wait a year and, if she didn't have a date, go to the dance with friends.