Overgifted by in-debt in-law

DEAR AMY: My mother-in-law and I have a tenuous relationship. She is very nice to my face but blames me whenever my husband and I make any decision she doesn't like, particularly when it involves attending family events. She lost her full-time job and works part-time at a department store. She has debt and a mortgage. She lost one house a few years ago and is in danger of losing the one she and her sister live in now. She is looking for a job and wants to take some classes. For my birthday she gave me a $100 gift card. Normally, I would accept the gift, say thank you and bite my tongue to keep the peace. However, because she clearly needs the money (and we don't), my husband and I feel strongly that we should return the gift card. Is there a graceful way to do this? She is very sensitive, and we don't want to hurt her feelings or create more tension. Please help.Overgifted

DEAR OVERGIFTED: There is no graceful way to return a gift to a sensitive person.

You could express your gratitude by redeeming the gift card in a way that can promote some togetherness. If you are able to put this toward a meal or shared experience of some kind, you should include her. If not, invite her and her sister to your home for dinner. I agree that she has made a poor and irresponsible choice. But people who don't manage their own money well sometimes also overspend on other people.

Your husband should try to help his mother get a handle on her finances. She would benefit from some basic financial guidance.

He could ask his mother to accept financial mentoring or take a class in personal financial management. If she'll agree to it, he should research qualified professionals and offer to accompany her to her first meeting.