Pal who had cancer is a drag on group

DEAR AMY: My friend and I are part of a group that plays a sport together. One of our teammates, who is also a friend outside of the sport, is a breast cancer survivor of six years. My friend and I started on the team about five years ago, when she was just entering recovery. Each of us has been supportive in our own way from the beginning. Our "problem" is that at every single meeting she makes her cancer a main topic of conversation, often not giving other friends a chance to contribute to discussions. She sees a therapist regularly. My friend and I would love to stay part of the group, but this subject is getting repetitive and frustrating. Any advice?Frustrated Friend

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Cancer redirects the course of a person's life because, among other physically painful aspects of the disease, cancer can recur -- and so the joy and relief of surviving the disease can be accompanied by anger and anxiety that it may come back.

Cancer is compelling -- certainly for survivors and the people who care about them.

I shared your question with a woman I know who has stage 4 breast cancer and who has survived many treatments and recurrences. She suggested that the person in the group who is closest to this friend should have a private talk with her that is loving, reassuring and frank.

Tell her that her friends love and care about her and that you all cheer her recovery. Ask her if she feels you are all doing enough to be supportive. And you should ask her if she is able to be generous to other members of the group, who have joys and concerns of their own that they want to discuss.

Other people's topics may seem trivial to her, but her dominance diminishes everyone else.

She should join a survivors group. The American Cancer Society offers helpful information and links to support. Check the site at cancer.org.