Plan a quick getaway from your harem

DEAR SUSAN: I am recently divorced, and all sorts of women are coming after me. It looks like a feeding frenzy! They don't understand that after 10 years of marriage, I don't want another wife -- at least not now. Is there a way to say that to them without hurting their feelings?

Hank H., Long Island

DEAR HANK: The only way to buy time and still keep a datebook full of potentials is to throw yourself a bon voyage party. Yes, you are going away -- to see your children, to present an idea to your former employer, to a Spanish city with a tour group. The destination isn't important, but your departure is. And a going-away celebration is the only way you'll be able to leave your home without those women taking numbers by your front door. This is a good way to stay friends with your potential harem.

DEAR SUSAN: I'm 37 and happy to be in a relationship with a nice woman. She recently said she wanted to live with me and possibly even marry. I suggested buying a house together, which she liked. Now she is backing away, saying she isn't sure she wants to go through with our plan. Is she suddenly putting on the brakes or what?

George B., New York City

DEAR GEORGE: If I'm reading the tea leaves correctly, she's got cold feet about playing house. It's nothing personal, mind you; she simply doesn't want to be part of the housemate routine. This way, she has her own nest with everything set up her way. She can visualize how that would change if the two of you were to live side by side in a nest for two, and, frankly, the idea doesn't thrill her. I can explain her hesitation because I've gone through the same internal push-pull after a long period of independence. She probably is used to having her own space and likes it that way. There's no need to share, to compromise, to accommodate someone else's needs. For some, it morphs into a lifestyle; for others, it's an interim between shared home bases. It depends on your perspective in this best of all possible worlds(?). But aloneness can become hermitude, and that's not good. Separate but social seems to be your lady's choice. What's yours?