Pressure to marry now can explode later

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I have been together since we were 16. We are now 22, have graduated from college and are working in our professional fields. We moved in together in June. I'm ready to get engaged and married and within three years start to have children. He is not ready for any of that because he feels he's still really young. We recently went to a friend's wedding. He felt very uncomfortable (as did I) and we got into a huge fight. How do I speed up the process of getting that ring on my finger and carrying on with our life together?Anxious

DEAR ANXIOUS: Let's imagine that you pressure your guy and get everything you want on your timetable. He relents because he loves you and because you've worn him down. The years fly by. Your husband wakes up one day and realizes he's 30 years old with three children. A vague unhappiness sets in. He can't really put his finger on the cause. He wonders if he ever really wanted the life he leads. He wishes he was single, and he blames you that he's not.

None of this might happen, but putting the pressure on now increases the odds that you both will have regrets later.

Table the topic for six months. Circle a date on the calendar where you mutually agree to talk about it again. The only power you should be prepared to wield is your choice to stay in the relationship -- or to leave it if it isn't satisfying.

DEAR AMY: "Concerned Friend" reported that her best friend was beautiful and yet always deflected compliments because of low self-esteem.

It would be great if we taught people to graciously accept a compliment. Maybe if she learned to do that she would stop reflecting on her negative attributes -- real or imaginary. Caroline

DEAR CAROLINE: I agree. Saying "Thank you!" is a great start.