Rebuff old boss' offers of 'help'

DEAR AMY: About a year ago, I met with an old boss for a networking meeting. I had just graduated from college and was looking for a job. My boss did not have any contacts for me but told me about his impending divorce. Since then, he has called or texted me about once a month, asking me to meet up. These are the kinds of invitations that could be called innocent but clearly are not.

He is making me extremely uncomfortable. I have not told him off because I still need his recommendation. How do you think I could get him to stop?Nicole

DEAR NICOLE: From your account of this contact, your former boss has not been at all helpful to you in terms of providing you with professional help. You may be overestimating his usefulness to you in terms of your professional development.

The next time he contacts you, just say, "I don't want to get together socially."

DEAR AMY: I loved the letter from "Put Upon," whose husband regularly volunteered her services for dog-sitting his brother's dog without asking her. My husband used to volunteer to watch our five grandchildren almost every Friday night.

I didn't mind, but soon it was every Friday, sometimes until midnight. I asked him to consult me before saying yes, but that never happened. One Friday, he casually mentioned they were bringing the kids over for "us" to watch. I told him that was really too bad because I had promised a friend I would have dinner with her. I left him to take care of the kids. Needless to say, that was the last time he approved a Friday night of baby-sitting without my consent.Grumpy Grandma

DEAR GRUMPY GRANDMA: Sometimes, the best way to cope with someone else's volunteering your services is to simply make yourself unavailable.