Red-faced that her hostess gift backfired

DEAR AMY: My husband and I accepted a last-minute Thanksgiving invitation. When I asked what I could bring, the hostess said everything was taken care of. Not wanting to go empty-handed, I took her a gift certificate for $25 from a store I know she frequents. Before dinner was served she approached me and said that if I ever did something like that again, I would never be invited back. I don't know if any of the other guests overheard this, but I was mortified. Can you please explain to me what rule of etiquette I breached? I felt it was the only thoughtful thing I could do since we could not bring anything else to share at the dinner. I would like to not make this same mistake twice.Perplexed

DEAR PERPLEXED: When you are invited for dinner and told not to bring any food, you should (at the most) bring a bottle of wine, a jar of fancy marmalade, olive oil or a bit of designer chocolate.

You offered the hostess a cash equivalent, and this is somewhat clunky and unexpected, but it is so obvious that your heart was in the right place that this gesture should have been received in the spirit with which it was given.

Your hostess was very rude to call you out in this way. The etiquette breach was hers.

DEAR AMY: I married a man with three children and we had one child of our own. They married, had children of their own, divorced, married spouses with children, etc. I now have four children, 10 grandchildren and a fourth great-grandchild on the way. None of them, except the youngest child, carry a drop of my blood, but they are my family. When a new grandchild arrived at our home -- whether a baby or a teen -- they got a warm, loving welcome to make them feel a part of their "new family." It works for us without any labels.Helen in Seattle

DEAR HELEN: All of these kids are lucky to have you.