Seeing red over repainted bedroom

DEAR AMY: My 19-year-old, college student son lives in an apartment 30 minutes away. He is in a great field and will have no problems finding work after college; it's unlikely he will ever live in his bedroom again for more than a three-day visit.

We get along well. The problem is that I got tired of his bedroom color (a bright, "preschool" color he chose at age 9) and painted the walls a more reserved, adult shade. His room is within sight of the public rooms of our small house. My husband is furious and my son is angry and depressed (even though he hasn't actually seen it yet). They feel I had no right to change it. I say that because I live there and he doesn't -- and it's my house -- I have that right. I had asked my son's input in advance, but he resisted any change at all. Now they want me to paint it back. Do I owe everyone an apology?Painted Into a CornerDEAR PAINTED: It sounds as if you made a unilateral decision to paint this room. Either you thought you had discussed this with both of the men in your house (and didn't), or you believe you have the right to control the decor of your home, regardless of what other family members think.

I agree with you that it is reasonable to update a bedroom once the child has moved out. However, you must go to the trouble to get other family members to sign off on a change.

You do owe the men in your life an apology. Say, "I didn't take into account how attached you two were to the wall color in this room, and I realize I should have discussed this with you both. Can we work together to find a more mature color for the room?" The real issue here is your husband's reaction. If he backed you up on this change (or even the concept of change), your son would cope with it. You and your husband should work hard to resolve this disagreement, which likely has little to do with paint and everything to do with power and control.