She did not see adultery coming

DEAR AMY: My husband and I have been married for 38 years. He met a woman several years ago, and I recently found out they have been corresponding. He has a post office box. I am 60. She is half my age. What do you think of a married man who is out of town on business, flies home, stays in a hotel around the airport, rents a car and then drives to the state where this female "friend" lives and spends a week there all without the knowledge of his wife? He says they are just friends, but a month ago he served me with divorce papers. I have several receipts for "gifts" that he sent this person and charged to his business account for tax purposes. I think about reconciliation. My friends say it is time to cut my losses. What do you think I should do?Depressed Wife

DEAR WIFE: What you should do is get yourself a good lawyer and a therapist. Your husband's adultery might not have the impact (legally) that you expect. No-fault divorce seems to have taken the sting out of adultery disclosures. An attorney will advise you on the laws where you live -- and also about the impact of his financial choices and your options.

If your husband has already delivered divorce papers, he is 10 steps ahead of you.

From this point forward, you will be wrangling not over his behavior but over money and property.

DEAR AMY: You gave good advice to "Their Other Mother," and I would like to add to it. This woman was dealing with the fallout from a birth mother who had effectively abandoned her kids. She should consult a lawyer who specializes in family law. My niece and her husband found a lawyer who helped them terminate the birth mother's parental rights and helped my niece adopt her stepchildren. This way, if anything happens to her husband, there will be no question that my niece retains custody.Aunt J