She doesn't care to know dad's young girlfriends

DEAR AMY: My father is in his early 50s and I am 19 years old.

He and my mother split about six years ago, and he has begun to date women who are only a few years older than I am - young women who could easily be my peers in the classroom.

My dad is a wonderful guy, but when it comes to women he's very superficial. He doesn't see any problem dating very young women and tries to push me into "befriending" each girlfriend. He will also sometimes make me baby-sit for their children - kids they had at 16 or 17. He thinks it is a bonding experience. Most of these women are ditsy and dumb. How can I explain to my father that the age of his girlfriends makes me uncomfortable, and I would rather not be forced to "get along" with them?

--Desperate Daughter

DEAR DAUGHTER: At your age you have the right of refusal over your father's requests that you baby-sit for his girlfriends' children. He may think this is a bonding experience, but you'll have to tell him he's wrong about that. Your father's dating life should be his own business. Whom he chooses, why he chooses, his taste in women - leave it alone. Get busy with your own life, cultivate your own relationships.

DEAR AMY: I have another response to the letter from "Fed Up," whose boyfriend was mean when he had a few drinks. My father was a mean drunk. He was perfectly charming when sober, and perfectly cutting, demeaning and verbally abusive when drunk. The only thing that cured him was abstinence. Arrested at the age of 72 for DUI, he had to participate in Alcoholics Anonymous to get back his license. I enjoyed his company for the rest of his life. I only regret it took him that long to make the choice.

--JK

DEAR JK: I hope others will see your letter and learn from your family's experience.