She's hyper-focused on son's birthday party

DEAR AMY: Birthdays were very important in my family growing up. We always celebrated with organized parties. My husband has always known I think these big events are very important. It is now time for our first child to turn 1. My husband has been having serious health issues, and planning our son's party has been a bright spot for me. His parents are aware of how important this party is to me. I had a heart-to-heart talk with his mom about how upset I was when my father initially said that he would not be coming because he did not want to buy a plane ticket. I told her that I expected him to say, "I wouldn't miss my grandson's birthday for anything" and was really disappointed when his reaction was so different. My husband just informed me that his parents are skipping the party because they are tired from coming here so much due to his illness. I am really disappointed. I know that my son will not know, but it was important to me to have our immediate families in attendance, and I am really hurt because his folks know exactly how I feel. I feel that they are being inconsiderate. I am also hurt by my husband, who immediately agreed with his parents' choice. My husband says that I am being totally crazy and completely overreacting. Am I?

--Disappointed

DEAR DISAPPOINTED: I agree with your husband. You are behaving like a crazy "Momzilla." You're completely overreacting. I'm exhausted just reading your letter.

Your in-laws might be reacting to the stress you've heaped on them. Stating your expectations is one thing. Stating your disappointment is another.

Your hyping this event into the stratosphere makes me worry about the high stakes you will place on your child to fulfill your expectations once he's old enough to make his own wishes known.

Lighten up. Handle your disappointment like a big girl. And try to have fun.