She's worried about son's generosity

DEAR AMY: My single, middle-aged son is too generous with his friends. I'm worried about him. He used to have a very good job, nice house and car and was always dressed well. Then, four years ago, he lost his job when they closed his office. He sold the house, the car and other things before declaring bankruptcy. He went through dark times, including being hospitalized after a suicide attempt. Two years ago, he found a job working for a friend. We think he's making good money again, but he's changed. He doesn't seem to care about nice things. Other than his computer, he says these are "just things." We saw on Facebook that he paid for a friend's dental work. When I asked him when she was going to pay him back, he said that it wasn't a loan. He said, "It's just money, so what's the big deal?" I asked his ex-wife about it (they're still close). He often gives money away -- to a friend who can't make rent, in smaller amounts to others and to charity. Sometimes he leaves himself a little short. I'm proud of him, but I wish that he would spend more on himself and put more money away. I'm wondering if I should suggest counseling, or if this is a sign of depression. Mom

DEAR MOM: Assume your son's life experience has delivered him a lesson more valuable than cash. Being generous is its own reward.

Ask your son to describe his values to you. He may be renouncing some of his earlier values, and he may simply have decided to live differently. It is vital that he remain solvent. But if he is helping friends and donating to charity and he's happy in his work and relationships, then I'd say that he has quite possibly discovered the key to true wealth.

However, if his situation changes -- for instance, if he quits or loses his job and if you sense that he is giving away all of his worldly things -- then this is a red flag and you should encourage him to get professional help immediately.