DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I have been living together for 10 years. Both of us had previously been married. When we decided to live together, I was the one who purchased a home with my money. He moved in and indicated that he could only pay a certain amount of "rent" because he was paying maintenance to his ex-wife. His maintenance payments lasted for four years; it is now 10 years since he moved in, and he is still paying the same amount of rent. I am constantly told, "It's your house, not mine," and yet he lives here. I take care of all the bills, while he pays the minimum. He does help somewhat with the lawn work, but even that is sporadic. Both of us have full-time jobs, and to say that I am getting fed up is an understatement. How do I get out of this relationship gracefully? Every time I want to discuss these problems, he shuts down and walks away or tries to put everything on my shoulders. I'm getting increasingly angry and frustrated. Please help! 
 --Drowning 
 DEAR DROWNING: I can't guarantee that severing this relationship will necessarily be "graceful" because it will involve trying to evict someone from a relationship and a home he has had for 10 years. 
 Although it is your home, to get him out of it you may have to jump through some hoops. 
 The length of your relationship may put you in "<a href="/topics//Common_(musician)">common</a>-law spouse" territory. Several states recognize <a href="/topics//Common_(musician)">common</a>-law marriages, and you could find that dissolving this union will be more complicated than it was to form it. 
 Additionally, the fact that he has been paying rent to you and has performed some household maintenance means he has some rights, and you may have to legally evict him. 
 Of course, your guy may be happy to mosey along, but you should prepare yourself well by gathering all your records and conferring with a lawyer.

DEAR AMY: My boyfriend and I have been living together for 10 years. Both of us had previously been married. When we decided to live together, I was the one who purchased a home with my money. He moved in and indicated that he could only pay a certain amount of "rent" because he was paying maintenance to his ex-wife. His maintenance payments lasted for four years; it is now 10 years since he moved in, and he is still paying the same amount of rent. I am constantly told, "It's your house, not mine," and yet he lives here. I take care of all the bills, while he pays the minimum. He does help somewhat with the lawn work, but even that is sporadic. Both of us have full-time jobs, and to say that I am getting fed up is an understatement. How do I get out of this relationship gracefully? Every time I want to discuss these problems, he shuts down and walks away or tries to put everything on my shoulders. I'm getting increasingly angry and frustrated. Please help! --Drowning DEAR DROWNING: I can't guarantee that severing this relationship will necessarily be "graceful" because it will involve trying to evict someone from a relationship and a home he has had for 10 years. Although it is your home, to get him out of it you may have to jump through some hoops. The length of your relationship may put you in "common-law spouse" territory. Several states recognize common-law marriages, and you could find that dissolving this union will be more complicated than it was to form it. Additionally, the fact that he has been paying rent to you and has performed some household maintenance means he has some rights, and you may have to legally evict him. Of course, your guy may be happy to mosey along, but you should prepare yourself well by gathering all your records and conferring with a lawyer.

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